I made a choice.
Looking into her eyes, I saw fear and disappointment.
One year before I adored her so deeply and true.
Yes, I have to admit that I can not accept what she called me, my wife.
No, I did not want to be anyone's wife, not now.
Though she kept trying to hold this relationship, me , the selfish one insisted her position firmly.
One night, I looked at her face while she's enjoying having sex with me, strangely I couldn't have the same feeling.
Over and over again, when she touched me, even only my hands or legs, I couldn't help giggling and pushed her away.
Then I realized that I don't love her like she does to me.
It's not easy to turn down such kind of love which is from the most faithful and trustful person.
I know my choice would hurt her.
I didn't know what hurts her the most was my childish attitude of dealing the event.
When she walked out my place like a storm I couldn't calm her down.
No matter what she swore at me afterwards, I can only apologize and asked her how can I make her up again.
It seems impossible at present though.
I told her the past year could be the most beautiful time of my life and I probably won't find a person like her that cherishes and loves me so much.
That was true. I didn't love her like she did.
Next time I have to make sure my possible lover's heart.
Is he/she a honest one?
How would he/she communicate with me while we have a problem?
Does he/she want to settle down or just have a short term relationship?
What kind of love is perfect for him/her?
is there any common idea about ideal relationship between us?
Can we share the idea of life together?...etc.
I've learned something from this relationship and so does she.
I really hope that she can find her Ms. right.
Love is beautiful though it could turn into evil in a second.
I realized that before and now I understand.
God bless.
