20080525

I dreamed that Tom Cruse was in my arms!
I could feel the grand man's body, his chest, arms, muscles and the smell.
"Thank you for the pure hug. " I said, with my eyes closed, my head resting on his shoulder.

When I woke up, I started to clean the mass after one week hard working.
Washing kitty was great.
She didn't struggle at all, just sat in the bucket enjoying the hot bath and gentle massage from me.
After hanging all the jeans and shirts the rice was ready in the cooker.
I stirred the rice with meat and veggie then watched DVD of American Ballet Theater in front the desk.
Turning it off in the middle of the film I started feeling anxious.
There's something in me that needs to let out.
I decided to do Yoga then hot spring in the evening.
Hope that makes me forget about Tom Cruse's body.

20080212

I made a choice.
Looking into her eyes, I saw fear and disappointment.
One year before I adored her so deeply and true.
Yes, I have to admit that I can not accept what she called me, my wife.
No, I did not want to be anyone's wife, not now.
Though she kept trying to hold this relationship, me , the selfish one insisted her position firmly.
One night, I looked at her face while she's enjoying having sex with me, strangely I couldn't have the same feeling.
Over and over again, when she touched me, even only my hands or legs, I couldn't help giggling and pushed her away.
Then I realized that I don't love her like she does to me.
It's not easy to turn down such kind of love which is from the most faithful and trustful person.
I know my choice would hurt her.
I didn't know what hurts her the most was my childish attitude of dealing the event.
When she walked out my place like a storm I couldn't calm her down.
No matter what she swore at me afterwards, I can only apologize and asked her how can I make her up again.
It seems impossible at present though.
I told her the past year could be the most beautiful time of my life and I probably won't find a person like her that cherishes and loves me so much.
That was true. I didn't love her like she did.
Next time I have to make sure my possible lover's heart.
Is he/she a honest one?
How would he/she communicate with me while we have a problem?
Does he/she want to settle down or just have a short term relationship?
What kind of love is perfect for him/her?
is there any common idea about ideal relationship between us?
Can we share the idea of life together?...etc.
I've learned something from this relationship and so does she.
I really hope that she can find her Ms. right.

Love is beautiful though it could turn into evil in a second.
I realized that before and now I understand.

God bless.

20080128

Since 10 years ago I logged on internet and started to edit personal board, I had 2 boards on BBS which I don't use anymore, 4 blogs including this one and one that I haven't opened it yet, and I don't remember how many meet-friend-online websites I put on my profile.

Bizarre! It seems I broadcast my life through global communicating system , but I still make friends in the REAL WORLD. Almost every night I write my diary with ink and paper.

Living in this hi-tech generation makes me wanting to keep old fashion.

【四月三週又兩天】

　　墮胎啊，這個切入點，讓人坐立難安。
　　1986年共產主義統治下的羅馬尼亞，不能避孕，也不能墮胎，女人要是懷孕了，要不就是叫孩子的爸負責，要不就是拿出昂貴的代價找密醫夾娃娃。
　　電影敘述在一天之中〈女主角的男友的母親的生日暨學校考試當天〉，女主角幫室友處理墮胎的過程，戲劇節奏緊湊，壓迫力驚人。
　　沒有電影配樂，沒有帥哥美女，沒有美美的燈光、場景、化妝，大量運用中長鏡頭〈而且是手持式攝影機〉，平實的說一個日常生活中的故事。
　　平實的說一個日常生活中的故事，而且要說的好，就像要煮出一碗黯然消魂陽春麵一樣難。劇本做到了，導演做到了，表演也做到了，這三個基本元素都忠實呈現該有的本分之後，觀眾就有好戲看了。【四月三週又兩天】正是這樣的一部好戲。不少人以為戲名是那女孩懷孕的時間長度，我卻以為這是倒數計時，拍片不是都要喊「四、三、二...〈手指比一，手一揮下，膠捲正式啟動〉」。這部片子的確精采地傳達出時間的緊迫。
　　兩個純真的女學生，一個做事明快果斷有義氣〈太有義氣了！〉，一個糊塗無知又軟弱〈有夠軟弱！〉，面對欺壓人的混帳醫生只能被欺壓，面對狗眼看人低的階級制度只能接受那些狗眼，面對無法保護女人的男人只能自力自強，面對冰冷嚴苛的社會制度只能因循求生，面對不能出生的小生命只好心狠手辣並且遺忘。
　　溫暖的陽光，在1986年的羅馬尼亞，是不存在的奢望。
　　
　　我覺得唯一的小缺憾，最後的鏡頭可以再停久一點再讓演員做結束動作。

　　【四月三週又兩天】在台北光點電影院上映至一月卅一日，我猜想應該不會有DVD，大力推薦買票觀賞這部小成本大格局的好電影！